18 July 2011

Slow down baby, I'm not your lady

I don't know. I'm confused. I want to scream but I'm not sure if anything will come out. It's not that I'm unhappy because that's not it at all. I'm just unsure on things. I'm confused on things. I'm bored of things. I'm tired of things. I've been sleeping too much. I've been wasting time but I have nothing to do or say. I've got nothing interesting to discus. Is it wrong to be so bored and tired of life at 17? Of course it is! What am I even saying! I don't even know. I feel like I'm not who I am meant to be at all. I feel like I'm supposed to be this person who goes places, does interesting things, wants to be inspiring... as a kid I was, I did and tried all sorts of things now I do nothing and all though I can't blame it on this town... I want to because I've only been bored since I've moved to this town. Its nothing to do about growing up. I feel like I need change... so I meet new people, make new friends, go out drinking, photograph things, go places, get in to a serious relationship but it has not helped. Okay, of course it's not all bad I do the odd interesting thing but personally, for me, my character, for who I want to be, it's not enough. I know I'm selfish and some people out there would kill to even go shopping one day but I don't care about them, I care about my life and making the most of it and right now I don't feel like I'm doing that. Just say I die next year. What the fuck can I say I have done....not much at all. People will hardly have anything to remember me by (people who know me but aren't my friends I mean) I'd love to do a sport but the ones I'm interested in either involves a partner to go with (tennis) or I can't afford (dance) I'd love to have a hobby, I mean I guess I have photography but I only really enjoy photographing people so it's hard. I' just need to get out and travel that's by far my biggest passion, even bigger than photography. I need to see so many parts of the world...I think my life will be fulfilled that way. It's a good thing I don't really like relationships! I don't know, I guess I just have far too much time to think.

1 comment:

  1. It's good you began by admitting you are confused. With that in mind, heres this: if your not unhappy then your neutral or some degree of good.

    One doesn't feel thoughts, feel is for feelings and think is for thoughts so "feel like i'm not..." should be "think like..." then you can ask why you think that, but more importantly you can ask why you disagree with that (which is why you actually think you should not be doing the thing you think you are supposed to think you should be doing.

    Having said that, I would wager you are unhappy and it is that, that's all it is. I am too, I guess because I have nothing to say or do. But I think I'd be happy if other people thought i was great, even if I still didn't have anything to say or do. Apparently the reason we have to live is that until we are dead we can hope we will have something to say or do. I find that more depressing.